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I am on vacation. I woke up a couple hours later than my norm, had tea, went swimming in dad's condo's shared pool under a warm Florida sky,with birds chirping, mostly blue sky and a light breeze. I thought about politics, punching Nazis, torture, and drones bombing civilian populations overseas. So, your usual morning thoughts. I came home and made myself some more tea, a toasted english muffin, and eggs, which I am now eating.

I'm thinking about strategy. I'm thinking that the Democratic party is still the best vehicle for my views in this country. I'm thinking that my conservative friends probably don't run into the people I run into on twitter - the 'women's place is in the kitchen' crowd that makes it hard to take Republicans en masse seriously online.  I'm thinking about Toby from West Wing saying 'they'll like us when we win' about appeasing your enemies. I'm thinking about whether I should confront my fellow liberals who say 'not my president,' because it is corrosive to democracy, and we can't let him be corrosive to our democracy, we can't, we mustn't. 

I'm thinking how do we stand together (answer: just like yesterday) while also reaching out to the middle of the country and saying, yes, it is your country, this can be a disagreement between honorable friends instead of a fight between lying enemies. I think abortion is more central to the debate than most people are willing to admit - especially whenever women come up. I don't think it's a very warm place to be a pro-life Democrat these days, or a pro-Choice Republican. How do you be agreeable in defeat without conceding defeat on everything? 

Questions for debate. The floor is open.
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Snow covers the ground
Prowling lynx enjoys terror
Our herd is restless. 
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 I'm sad today. Not particularly because we're swearing in a serial liar whose idea of fun is sexual harassment. More because I will miss having Obama in office. I trusted his judgement throughout, and I was rewarded for that with being pleased with his results. The headache isn't helping. 
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It took about three years to finish all the babies. She had to get genetic donors who were sufficiently outside of her family lines for her to be comfortable with it, with wings in their heritage. She had to bribe the people to get space for the babies to grow, and she had to assemble supplies and gently conquer a small village to give them a place to grow up. She had to track down all her children and grandchildren and adopted children, every twig that connected her family tree to the great Addergoole root network, and get them to agree. 

Some of those conversations could have gone better, honestly, but Zita was determined in her efforts and sincere in her passion. She'd owe Lot for ages for veiling her from farseers and foreseers and finders. 

It probably would have been better to have more patience, to let things play out in time, but life was short and immortality was laughable, and she'd seen too many people die waiting for their oaths to be over. There had just been one death too many.

"Hello, Bethamin, Charles, Dorotea, Esteban. Hello, Georgia, Libya, Columbia, Maya. Hello Silver and Gold." She went on, touching each baby, rocking them in their identical cribs, smiling with wicked sharp teeth at her new charges. "I'm your grandmother Zita. Georgia and Libya, your mother is Bethamin. Charles, you're technically the mother of Columbia and Maya, but if that's the only thing that gives you a complex in life I will have done my job well. Dorotea, your children are Silver and Gold...."

Introducing all the rest of her generations of promised Addergoole students to each other took a while, but Zita was thorough. Names were important. Nine generations were promised, and nine they'd have - and then she'd be done with them, and her children would be done with them. 

And if a tiny little girl in the back of her mind thought Director Avonmorea would like the chance to observe multiple generations in one four-year stretch, well, that tiny little girl always had had a crush on Regine. Moving on - there was work to do.
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"He appointed who ambassador?"

"Lord Charles."

"He appointed Lord Charles ambassador."

"That's right."

"He has met Lord Charles?"

"I'm actually not entirely certain. It's possible he's just heard about Lord Charles."

Fitz considered this from a number of different angles.

"Heard... accurate things... about Lord Charles?"

"Well, you have to consider...."

"Yes?"

"If Lord Charles is ambassador, he's not here."

"But he has the power to materially effect our relationship with Tulura."

"He'll have advisors. Assistants."

"Babysitters."

"Funny you should mention that. He also has a four year old."

"You're telling me this, why?"

"Well, Fitz, you are a capable servant of the crown, and so it is my great honor to advise you that you are going to need to brush up on your Tuluran."

"..."

"Lord Charles, as it happens, does not speak Tuluran. You'll be keeping busy."

"I could have supported the usurper, you know. It would have been far more restful, and I probably would have gotten a lordship out of it."

"Your king thanks you for your service."

"Does he really?"

"No."

"As ever, a pleasure, Edwin. An absolute pleasure."
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Health: pretty good. Swimming three or four times a week, my sleep is smoothing out due to better mental health. Tried a pilates class last night. I might rejoin that dance class next month.

Work: it's been very stressful, and I'm trying not to count chickens before they hatch, but I should get some good news tomorrow. My productivity has also been very high.

Writing: I really haven't been, except for dribs and drabs. Something to change in the new year. I'm going to have to get to know myself as a writer all over again. I have picked editing Colony X up again, which is good.

Friends/family: I could be staying more in touch, but I've been very inward-focused and I think it's beginning to pay dividends. Worth reconnecting in the new year.

Travel: I'm going to see if I can go visit dad in Florida for a while. And my brother in Beijing, in the spring. That'll fill up my travel schedule. NYC over New Years.

Monday

Nov. 21st, 2016 07:02 pm
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Day two of staying off the internet complete. I'm pretty twitchy about it, but it's still a good idea, and mom seems pleased with my productivity. I just want to go to bed, but it's 7 in the evening, which is not a reasonable time for sleep.

Hopefully being engaged in life will lead to good results to buoy my spirits soon. I'm still pretty worried about big picture stuff like money and business planning.

Big snow storm today, so mom and I hunkered down to eat up food in the fridge and not venture out on the roads, aside from a brief shopping trip for milk, bread, and eggs, which we couldn't do without.

Down to NYC for Thanksgiving this weekend, which will be a pleasant change. It's always relaxing being down there.
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Days in which I give up browsing the internet: 1

Days in which I feel good about my character: 1

I am tired, feeling pretty certain the internet thing is verging on or indeed an addictive behavior, pleased with the amount of work I have done, and tired.

Also my phone is fixed, so friends can reach me there. I'll figure out how to handle social media once I'm more confident my internet use is less pathological. I can also be reached by email at the usual addresses, and I'll get dreamwidth comments. I plan to write more, and work on my book, and work on my life and job and all those things that have been slipping.

One day at a time.

Saturday

Nov. 12th, 2016 02:52 pm
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 I had a hard time getting started this morning, possibly because of cutting down on my afternoon caffeine. I should set up my tea machine for tomorrow morning. I've been doing a little better at keeping in touch with friends and family this week, at least in part because a lot of us are circling the wagons.

There's some stuff going on in social media I'm not quite clear on - angry liberals and defensive conservatives, as far as I can tell, but I'm only catching the edges of the arguments/discussion so I don't think I'm following. I've been spending my time thinking about arguing in good faith, honoring the office of the President, and what Trump's agenda is likely to literally be, given that his word cannot be trusted. 

My brother and my mother's ongoing conflict about his girlfriend continues. He seems to be under pressure to commit early, hard, and fast, and mom's a convenient scapegoat given that she's happy to say that's stupid. 

I've met with a second therapist this week and I don't know what I thought of him. He seemed to be giving me answers by rote, so it felt rather impersonal. The other therapist I talked to was a little wishy-washy, but I felt like she successfully got inside my head. He seemed more focused on the mechanics - am I drinking too much tea, etc. 

How are y'all? 

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S., mom, E&E and me are home for the weekend. Mom was away for two weeks in NYC and England. I've been having a hard time with anxiety, so I'm interviewing therapists. I've talked to one, and I have two on my list to talk to. 

I'm following the election loosely, but I'm not worried. Work is going poorly. I need to get my phone fixed.

Three good things:
1. Chamomile tea.
2. Autumn leaves.
3. My brother is having a good week traveling around China.  
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Worked last weekend, but took yesterday entirely off. Slept a full ten hours starting at a reasonable time, woke up feeling rested. That's progress. i'm still pretty high stress because of work and money stuff, but I'm managing it. 

Did my weekly phone calls to keep in touch with people. Working through my to do list now. Swimming is going well.
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 Content note: domestic abuse and violence themes, mixed with bad BDSM practices. And, I suppose, dark humor.

Read more... )
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